Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
