Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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