the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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