Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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