its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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