420 ftw
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
