fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
