i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
