Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
