My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Someone came in the potted fern
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
