in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
