Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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