WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
