It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Someone came in the potted fern
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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