i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All the doctor said was why
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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