I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
