it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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