omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
