you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
