Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
