I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
