Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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