i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
