i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize