Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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