I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
