Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
