You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
