if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
