Screwed.edu
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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