i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
