she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
