If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Enjoy the penises
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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