Who did Billy Mays play for?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
