Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
