im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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