we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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