The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
