im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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