Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
