woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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