some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
