okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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