i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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