I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
