Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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