just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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