she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
