Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
