I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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