There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
