I hate your face
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
