Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
