How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
