youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
