Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
