My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
