a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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