you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
