ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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