The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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