I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
