I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
