never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
