in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize