Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
