walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
