i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
