I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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