wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
