just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
