There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
