Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
