my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The struggles of a small town man whore
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
