Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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