some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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