it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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