sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
