It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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