Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
