dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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