Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
