I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
