So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
