I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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