quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
