Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is Oprah even human
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
